


With My Heart on a Trigger

by lipstilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: BAMF!Stiles, F/M, Hunter!Stiles, Jackson is nice, Jealous Scott, Lockwood/Martin cousins, M/M, Mates, Minor Danny/Ethan, Panic Attacks, Stiles/Jackson friendship, The Alpha Pack, background Jeremy Gilbert/Tyler Lockwood, happy ending I promise, late/post season 2, not really about Vampire Diaries, past Tyler Lockwood/Stiles Stilinski, semi-non-graphic rape, slight Danny/Stiles undertones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipstilinski/pseuds/lipstilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He just wanted to know his mother. When Gerard showed him a way, he couldn't refuse. Stiles never thought he'd abandon his friends and become a hunter, but it happened. He cut everyone off. Months later, he's in the middle of the pack fighting a losing battle against himself. Just as the pack thinks they're winning him over, the unthinkable happens. The pack uncovers Gerard's true plan, but Stiles is in too deep. He's scared and unstoppable, friendships and feelings no longer a thought.   </p><p>How would life have turned out if Stiles's mom was an Argent?</p><p>Rating may change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own. Hope you enjoy!

The first dream came two days after the formal. Lydia was attacked by crazed alpha Peter and Stiles hadn’t even thought twice about trading himself for her life. He didn’t give the nightmare-like dream a second thought. He would never kill Scott or Derek, but the traumatic events of that night had his mind spinning. His dream wasn’t surprising or worrisome, so Stiles kept it to himself. The second dream came the night he first encountered the kanima. He killed the kanima, and then Derek. In each dream, he had been skillfully trained and filled with exhausting hatred. The third and fourth dreams came two weeks later, he woke up with panic attacks. He had killed the entire pack, Chris Argent at his side.

He won the lacrosse game, he was the hero. Lydia was cheering for him. It was his moment, finally. The lights went out and he was grabbed. Gerard tried to convince him to start training with Allison, said Stiles would be a natural hunter. Stiles didn’t have to think about his answer, it was a firm no. Psycho grandpa used his face for a punching bag, trying to change the boy’s answer. It was still no. He started avoiding everyone after that. Lydia came over the next day, he sent her away. Scott called and texted multiple times, he turned his phone off. Derek showed up, he locked his window and closed the blind. Put in ears buds and shut out the world.

He had yet another dream that night. He wasn’t a hunter, he was _the_ hunter. The leader, the big man in charge, the psychopath. It thrilled him, his blood hummed with contentment and he desired that feeling of power he had in his dream. He was shaken. It scared him how much enjoyed the deaths of his friends, even if it was just a dream.

He ended up caving in and called Melissa McCall at work. Everyone was alive, Gerard was alive. Jackson was alive, and no longer a kanima. Their egos were bruised and though they hadn’t exactly lost, they hadn’t won either. Boyd was back and readjusting well. Erica was back too, but she wasn’t doing as well. Stiles shut out the guilt he felt. It was for the best, he told himself.

Stiles sighed loudly as he ran a shaky hand through his growing hair. He couldn't focus and he couldn't sit still, he couldn't stop himself from missing the people that he had to distance himself from. They had finally given up on him. It was for the best, he told himself, he wouldn't put anybody at risk. Angry with himself, he hated feeling helpless and so weak. As much as some part of him didn't want to, he made the choice to get to know them. Get to know _him_ because he was his mother's brother. And Stiles desperately wanted to know the hidden things about her, but he wouldn't endanger the pack with his selfishness. He knew it was for the best, especially with psycho grandpa stalking him and Chris having a tough time staying neutral about the whole ordeal.

Derek made it harder and Stiles ignored it unknowingly. He knew there was something between them. Some sort of chemistry locked inside both him and Derek. Stiles refused to label it, he didn't spend any time dwelling on it and over-analyzing every little thing that has happened between them. He knew it wasn't like that. He's not going to say it's because he's not gay. He actually wasn't very sure where he was on that; his first kiss was actually with another boy when he was thirteen. He knew Derek was attractive and he wouldn't deny it. It was obvious even to some straight guys, that Derek was good looking and had a body close to Greek God status. Stiles could say truthfully though that he wasn't sexually attracted to the alpha werewolf. They were quite a pair, Derek and Stiles made an excellent team. And he honestly thought all the difficulty of letting go was all in his head due to the hard decision he made. They became some sort of friends and somehow had begun to fill the voids in each others lives.

But it was no longer enough for Stiles and Crazy Gerard's bomb drop made it possible for him to have a little more.

**000**

Summer was over. It was Friday, the end of the second week in the new school year. Stiles shut the classroom door quietly behind him. The last thing he wanted was Mr. Harris on his back again. Of course he stopped talking and looked to Stiles with utter hatred written across his face. He met Mr. Harris' glare with his own annoyed expression; he was no longer intimidated by the hateful teacher.

"Sorry for interrupting," he muttered. This quieter Stiles was a fresh development, one that many of his peers found too strange to enjoy.

"Mr. Stilinski you're tardy again, detention after school," Mr. Harris told him.

"Principal Argent gave me a pass," responded Stiles as he handed over a crumpled, white piece of paper.

The teacher looked disgusted, "detention Stilinski".

Stiles sucked his teeth. "Bullshit!" The class seemed to stir at the mention of the curse word. "I have a pass, so, I won't be showing up to detention."

"Watch the attitude or we'll have to make a trip to Mr. Argent's office," Mr. Harris hissed.

"Okay, fine by me. Considering he gave me the pass you refuse to accept, I doubt I'll get in any trouble."

"I will have to bring up your missing work and how disrespectful you are towards me" he replied with a wicked grin.

"That's a damn lie, we’ve only had four assignments. I'm missing one and that's Monday’s, I was sick, and I actually have it right here. Completed and ready to be turned in. One frickin worksheet!" Stiles was getting angry.

"Not according to my grade book, you don’t have any of the homework in. And you were supposed to turn Monday’s assignment in on Wednesday." Mr. Harris chuckled.

"You Goddamned liar! What kinda teacher- I've never had a late assignment for any of your classes! I have made sure that I've handed everything in on time, you asshat, because I knew you'd probably try something like this."

"Maybe you should calm down Stiles," Scott suggested.

"Maybe you should shut the hell up! I don't need your two cents," he sneered loudly.

"Swearing, Stiles, add that to the list. Please keep making my case," Mr. Harris grinned.

"You stupid prick," Stiles lunged at him.

It was intervened, but not by his so-called best friend. Danny's arm was resting against his waist and he was speaking into Stiles' ear.

Stiles shouldn’t be as surprised as he was, he and Danny had become friends during the summer.

"You're smarter than this. I'm sure you know the trouble this could cause for you Stiles. Go home or wherever and calm down. Something's clearly been going on. It's obviously stressing you out and starting to get the best of you. Take the day and forget for awhile," Danny whispered calmly to Stiles

"I don't want you in my classroom! Get out and don't come back," Mr. Harris shouted.

Stiles tuned the irate teacher out. Danny's hand had traveled to his hip and he was all too aware. Stiles' heart was still beating fast and his breathing was still heavy, and it wasn't completely due to his anger. Danny had a thing for him. Jackson let it slip once, while threatening him. He somehow knew nothing would ever happen between Danny and himself, but he was, indeed, attracted to him. The lust between them was undeniable and Stiles wished it were different. It’d be easy for them; they’d be happy.

“Now, Stilinski, or I will go get the principle myself. I’m sure he’ll want to be informed of such behavior,” Mr. Harris stated.

“You better get out of here,” Danny told him, "find a place that will calm you down some”.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Stiles nods.

“I’ll get a hold of you later to make sure you’re okay,” Danny removes his hand from Stiles, but doesn't move.

"I'll probably just go to the weight room for a while, work off some steam," he told Danny.

"I didn't think you worked out, but I guess you'd have to," Danny stated with reddening cheeks.

"It's a new thing actually and I'm not a big fan so far," a smile tugging at Stiles' lips. "Think it's a waste of time, really."

"Says you," Danny smirked. "It doesn't come as natural for most of us."

"It's all in the gene pool," Stiles stated with a smug smile.

"I see I'll have to call in a certain sheriff father," Mr. Harris bellowed.

"I'm going!" Stiles yelled. "Seeya around Danny."

**000**

Stiles was angry; the fat drops of sweat glistening his body went unnoticed. _Three Days Grace_ blared from the old stereo, his preferred anger music. He grunted and continued to punch the heavy punching bag, muttering words of hatred.

What did he ever do to Harris? It’s like the teacher has had it out for him since the beginning.

He's unsure why he yelled at Scott. Yeah, he was still mad at the way his best friend had drifted. He hated that he wasn't able to stop it, but the anger Stiles had felt in the moment was beyond that. It was completely different. He had resented Scott, wanted him wiped from the planet. Hated him, not because he was easily replaced by Isaac, no, Stiles hated Scott because of what he was. He deserved nothing short of death. He was scum. All werewolves were monsters and deserved a painful death. It was a new concept, a thought that disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Stiles and Scott were no longer friends, but Stiles didn't want him dead. And the whole all-werewolves-must-die attitude that kept coming and going was making everything even worse. It was Gerard's fault, but he wouldn't say that he regretted it.

He couldn't regret it. He needed this, he had wanted this. It was too late to go back and he had to be okay with it, so he would be. Stiles didn't want to train, he hated it. Hunters could be just as evil as werewolves and he had nothing against werewolves. He had had werewolf friends. He didn't complain when the meetings turned into hunters training, even though he never wanted it. He accepted it and his objections were buried away.

When grandpa Crazy called him into the office on the last day of school last year and told him, Stiles called him a crazy old liar. But Principle grandpa pulled out proof. Claudia Wilson married and became Claudia Stilinski, wife of John Stilinski and mother of Gemin Stilinski. But she born Claudine Argent, the daughter of Eileen and Gerard Argent and big sister to Chris and Kate. His heart dropped and he ran out of the principle’s office. Stiles wanted to get to know them. He had a grandpa and an uncle and a cousin, family he didn't know he had. He wanted to know them, wanted to know his mom. He hadn't intended on things happening the way they did, but he couldn't find it in himself to say no. Instead, he found himself breaking all ties to the pack and the friends he knew he’d miss.

He tore the gloves off, working out wasn't helping getting his mind off things. It wasn't helping him calm down. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and the rest of his face. Stiles grabbed his bottle of water and drank some. He grabbed his gym bag and flipped the light switch down.

Stiles couldn't force himself into going back to his classes; he found himself behind the wheel of his jeep. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel too hard. He was idling in the cemetery, his mother’s headstone in sight. Focused on his labored breathing, Stiles didn't notice Peter slipping into the passenger seat.

Unbeknownst to Stiles, Peter never stopped watching him. He never gave up on him.

“Is this really the right place for you right now Stiles?” Peter asked softly.

“My God! Get out!” Stiles practically jumped out of his skin. His heart was beating fast, he could feel the panic attack coming.

“It isn’t the right time for this. Your mother’s grave is only going to make things worse. You know you’re in the wrong place, you’re avoiding the place you really need to be.”

Stiles didn’t say anything, his breathing quickened. Irrational thoughts filled his brain, he blinked back the tears that he didn’t know why he was shedding.

“You’re not ready for this, you won’t be able to handle it. You don’t really want to go to your mother’s grave feeling like this. The things going on right now, she tried to prevent them. She wouldn’t have wanted this life for you.”

“And what do you know?” Stiles sneered. “Nothing. You don’t know anything Peter. Quit acting like you do. You went crazy after the fire that killed your family.”

“That’s where’s you are wrong. I know more than you think, I know more than the Argents. Yeah, I might have went a little crazy after I lost everything. I wanted revenge for my deceased family and some people got in the way. You abandoned your friends for the people who are trying to kill them, you are training to kill them. Claudia wanted her past a secret, but you let yourself get sucked in. How do you think she’d feel about that? You don’t get to look down at me; we both know what it feels like lose ourselves to our weaknesses.” Peter told him, less than gently.

 With shock, his panic attack subsided. Stiles looked to Peter, who was watching him carefully. “You knew my mom?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, I met her when she was almost eighteen. She was a firecracker. We were...best friends.” He inhaled deeply. “She died around the time of the fire actually. Our relationship was similar to yours and my nephew’s. And she always managed to bring me back to reality, I kept a level head on her shoulders. She was stubborn and had a fierce temper, Dia was so damn witty.” He was smiling, that faraway smile that shines in your eyes.

“You knew my mom. You guys were close," he stated with unyielding disbelief.

“You’re a lot like her in many ways and you should be proud of that. She was an amazing person. She kept everyone on their toes, including your dad. She was happy not being a hunter, she never would have gone back. You were never supposed to have this life Stiles." Peter spoke quietly with confidence.

“So you know? Everyone, they must hate me so much. I can’t, it has to be this way.” Stiles focused on his hands, couldn’t bring himself to look at Peter.

“No. Nobody knows. just me. It’s not my business to tell them; I do my own thing. I understand why you think you have to do this. I can’t stop you, but I know a person who could get to you. You shouldn’t be training, you weren’t meant to be a hunter.” Peter placed his hands on Stiles’ hips, lifted him up and slid into the driver’s seat.

Stiles wasn’t strong enough to stop him, he didn’t even realize what was happening until it was already done.

“The hell? What are you doing? Get out of my jeep. You can’t just come-”

“Shut up Stiles. You need this, even if it’s just for the day. I’m taking you to the person who can bring you back to reality.” Peter pulled the jeep out of park.

“I’m not doing this.” Stiles said stubbornly.

Peter ignored him. “The first time the family met you, you couldn’t have been more than six months old and even then you were never quiet. Everyone adored you. Little Derek was jealous of all the attention you received. He was five and still the baby of the family. The jealously ended rather quickly though, he developed a real soft spot for you.”

“You.” Stiles swallowed audibly.. “You’re family knew me?”

“Yep, saw you practically everyday until Dia decided- until you were five and started kindergarten.”

“That’s not you were going to say Peter, go back to what you really gonna say,” Stiles insisted.

“We are here,” Peter all but growled, “get out”.

“Yeah, no, that’s not gonna happen. You get out. And don’t change the subject. What did my mom decide?” Stiles pushed, more determined.

“Stiles!” Peter’s eyes flashed yellow.

“Peter!” Stiles mocked.

Next thing Stiles knew, Peter was leaning over him and he was being pushed out of his own jeep. Stiles landed with a hard thud and rolled.

“You need this.” Peter’s yell faded as the jeep drove further away.

“Asshole!” Stiles yelled after his speeding jeep.

**000**

Getting up was painful. Stiles suspected that he sprained his right ankle. Leaning his weight on his left arm had him crying out; he bit through the pain and struggled to get up. But he did it, he got up. He almost fell seconds later, but he found himself propped against a chiseled body. Stiles knew without looking, who it was.

 “Derek,” he panted. “Your uncle’s going to die. Again.” Seeing Derek again after these last couple months stirred up something new inside Stiles. He forced back his smile.

“What are you doing here? You wanted nothing to do with us, remember?” Anger present in his voice.

“Peter. He brought me here against my will.” Stiles patted his body with his uninjured arm. “And he apparently stole my phone along with my jeep.”

“Here I thought you had finally gotten over yourself. Maybe you missed m- your friends and decided to pull that stick out of your ass.” Derek’s annoyance grew and he gripped Stiles tightly against his body.

“Shit. Ow, damn it Derek!”

“Your shoulder is hurt. I’ll look at it when we’re inside. Probably should be on your other side.”

“Ya think? And you don’t have to look at anything, just give me a ride home. Please.” Stiles spoke quietly.

“First of all, Stiles, I’m not letting you go anywhere without making sure your injuries aren’t serious. And second of all, I let Lydia borrow my car.” Derek smiled at his look of bewilderment. “She had to go to Magic Falls or something like that to visit someone. She kept going on about this someone being in trouble. Lydia was hard to understand, she started crying. I couldn’t take it.”

“Ah, Lydia tears. She’s a smart woman. Can I use someone’s phone?”

“They’re off doing something for Peter,” Derek shrugged.

“Of freaking course they are!” Stiles yelled. “Guess I’ll be walking home.”

“Are you stupid, Stiles? Your ankle is messed up. You’ll stay here until they come back. We’ll see if the new place gets the Stiles approval.” Derek smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! And once again, all mistakes are my own.

Peter was right, Stiles felt better here. Here, he realized that hunting wasn’t the best idea. He shouldn’t be doing it, he was better than that. Except he wasn’t, not really, he wanted to feel close to his mom. When she was his age, she was becoming the best hunter around. And he quickly discovered he was good, great even, just like her. He liked that. He needed that connection to her. Danny was right as well, Stiles had needed a break. All the stress that had been building up, and all the anger and disappointment seeping off those around him, just slipped away. He felt comfortable here, comfortable with Derek. He could take the weekend and forget just for a while. It was quiet here and Derek didn’t mention Stiles leaving the pack, which he was grateful for. They got on in their usual way, Derek bossing Stiles around and Stiles trying to refuse the commands with his witty sarcasm. (Stiles found himself not wanting to refuse.) He had missed this and he hadn’t known how much until being here with Derek. For the first time, it made him mad at Gerard for causing all this. Though, it wouldn’t change anything.  
  
Home wasn’t that far from the new place, but with his injuries, it would’ve taken hours to get there. His ankle was sprained and his shoulder blade bruised. Derek wouldn’t let Stiles out of bed, there’s no way he would’ve let him walk home. It was a strange side to Derek, an almost affectionate one. The older male hovered and fussed, never leaving him alone for more that ten minutes. It was a rare side of him, a caring soft side that had seemed familiar to Stiles. It felt like coming home after too much time away. He had woken up with Derek’s arm slung on his stomach. They had slept right next to each other. He hadn’t realized that he’d been tired enough to fall asleep. He had to admit, it had been the most peaceful he had slept in some time. A fast-asleep Derek wasn’t that surprising, he had looked wrecked. Stiles felt guilty; he couldn’t have guessed the toll his actions would take on Derek.  
  
Stiles found himself watching Derek, he wanted to take his pain away. Stiles wondered how Derek was really doing, underneath that alpha mask of his. It was another new feeling; wanting to heal Derek, to give him what he wanted. It was weird. His attraction to him hadn’t changed, he didn’t see Derek in a sexual manner. There wasn’t even a silly crush. He just wanted to make Derek okay again. Somehow, it was instinct. The instinct had been around longer then he'd admit and now in Derek’s presence, he couldn’t hold it back. He couldn’t deny the truth anymore.  
  
Stiles knew, hours before, that that must be why he let Derek kiss him. It only lasted a minute or so, but he could feel Derek’s yearning and his sadness. He also felt the sadness turn to contentment and the tension rolling off in waves, melt away. Derek needed Stiles, and Stiles wanted to give him what he wanted.  
  
And when Derek woke and stared at him with those perfect green eyes, Stiles didn’t stand a chance. Jackson showed up at the worst time and Stiles praised God. He bullied Jackson into giving him a ride home. Derek let him leave.  
  
It was, literally, the hardest choice Stiles ever made.

**000**

  
“Why are you leaving? You clearly didn’t want to, Stilinski,” Jackson looked at him.  
  
“I didn’t,” he agreed.  
  
Jackson pulled out of the driveway. “Than why are you? You’re his-”  
  
“I’m his what, Jackson? His mate? Yeah I know that.”  
  
“You know?” Jackson asked, eyes wide.  
  
Stiles nodded. “Since July. Came across some old research that I never went through and I was bored. I don’t think about it. I bury it actually.”  
  
“Why? It’s hurting Derek,” he huffed. Jackson was angry.  
  
“Shut up. I know.” Stiles wiped his face and sighed. “I don’t have feelings for him. I’ve never been attracted to him that way. No late night fantasies or dreams of white picket fences and children. No fuzzy feelings, nothing. It’s not natural for mates.”  
  
“Wait, you’re not attracted to your mate?” Jackson furrowed his eyebrows.  
  
“No, I’m not. It doesn’t make any sense. Mates aren’t a thing, they’re completely rare. And if you have one, you’re attracted to that person. It’s just the way it is, it’s not a choice you get. But, yet, I’m not attracted to Derek.”  
  
“I saw you two,” stated Jackson, “I know what was about to happen”.  
  
“Yeah, you did, it’s why I never questioned being his mate. To be what your mate needs, practically becomes instinct. You want to make them happy, you don’t ever want to see them any other way. You’ll do anything to stop their pain. You saw me losing to that instinct. I fought hard, all this time, to mute it, but none of it mattered when he was in front of me." Stiles explained.  
  
"What's the problem? Let it happen, don't fight. Some part of you wants him. Stilinski, he needs you." Jackson informed him.  
  
Stiles was angry.  Jackson didn't have the right. "What? So I'm supposed to drop everything because Derek needs me? What about what I need? What about what I may want? Nobody seems to be thinking of that and I am so freaking sick of not getting choices in my life. I don’t want to be with him, so I’m going to fight my damndest against it.”  
  
“He’s not whole, the pack’s not whole without you. I’ve done my own research. It’s getting worse, he needs you. Stiles-”  
  
“Stop, I know. Jesus, I know Jackson. It’s not fair to him, to me. He deserves better, he should have somebody who loves him. I can’t, I- Things aren’t as simple as they should be. You know that, and we both know why. Can we just stop? You’re making this harder.”  
  
“Good. It should be hard. You are a part of it, you are not immune to it. You were never quiet before, but you are now.” Jackson trailed off.  
  
“I’m growing up, it happens to everyone eventually.” He shrugged.  
  
“No. If anything, it’s the opposite. When you aren’t acting like we don’t exist-”  
  
“Like it’s possible to act like you don’t exist. It’s hard to remember the last time Danny and I got to hang out without you tagging along or at least interrupting by calling him. And at school, you always seem to be lurking around. My life is not your business, so stay out of it and tell everyone else the same.” Stiles breathed out.  
  
"You're sad Stiles, deny it or not, you miss him. You need him in your life." He spoke quietly. "You're going to call him and apologize."  
  
“That’s not happening. You can’t just tell me to call him and expect me to do it. Things don’t work like that.”  
  
“You haven’t completely let go of the pack. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve needed skin-to-skin contact. High fives, hugs, back pats, hand shakes. It was always so damn annoying. It was a constant thing, I didn’t understand how McCall could stand it. It was just who you were, and now I do understand. It’s a pack thing, it’s not all that annoying anymore. You don’t do it anymore.” Jackson explained.  
  
“Who cares?” Stiles rolled his eyes.  
  
“I don’t, but the others do. You go out of your way to not touch anyone. You’ve completely shut yourself off from anything that could still connect you to pack. You're scared and completely shutting them out like you have been is what's been keeping you connected. And you know that, it scares you how much you can't let go. If you had really removed yourself from the pack, you wouldn't need to shut anyone out. None of that would matter, that connection would just be gone.”  
  
Stiles didn’t respond. Jackson was right. His words confirmed what Peter had said the day before. It made sense. Constant touch was a pack trait. If Stiles knew the pack, even just as a toddler, some things were bound to rub off.  
  
“My guess,” Jackson went on, “you’re feeling lost. The way Derek and Peter are with you, it’s obvious you’ve been pack longer than anyone realizes. You can say anything to Derek and you survive unharmed. And when Peter wanted to bite you, he let you have a choice. Scott didn’t get one. They both treat you differently, it’s something that goes back. You’ve had this, without realizing it, in your life for so long, that you don’t know who you are now. You’ve made some stupid choices, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t pack anymore. As you said, things don’t work like that.”  
  
“I see you’ve spoken with Peter,” Stiles spat.  
  
“I have, but I’m also observant. Unlike the others, “Jackson smirked.  
  
“Oh lucky me.”  
  
“It is. I’m not a bad guy, I’m actually a good guy to have on your side. Like now, if I weren’t, I wouldn’t tell you that Derek is in your house and you’d be left clueless.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a pretty boring chapter, but I like to think that it'll be important. This chapter is shorter, and future chapters will be roughly this length. Maybe longer. I had actually planned to kill Jackson, in light of the Jacksonless season three. But he's actually my favorite and I just couldn't do it, so I present nice Jackson instead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :P

Stiles hated crutches. He couldn’t walk on his ankle at all, so he had no choice, he had to use them. His shoulder blade was on fire from the movement the devil devices caused. Derek met him at the door and ushered him into a chair.

“You’re suppose to stay off your feet when you have a sprained ankle as bad as yours,” Derek remarked softly.

“Yeah, I already figured that. I had to get out of there,” Stiles realized what he said. “I mean Derek, you have to know this isn’t going to work between us.”

“Do you miss me?” He asked.

“What doe-”

“Answer the question Stiles,” Derek dictated.

He nodded. “Yeah. Of course I do.”

“That’s how I know. If I’m significant enough that you miss me as much as you aren’t letting on, there’s no way we won’t work.” Derek kneeled in front of him, hands on Stiles’ arms.

“You seem so confident,” Stiles scoffed.

“I am. You’ve always been perfect for me, I’ve never not known that. I just need to show you that I’m perfect for you.” Derek’s heart-melting smile appeared on his face.

Stiles looked at him, knowing he wasn’t winning. A small nervous smile appeared on his face. “I respect that, but it can’t happen.”

“Okay,” Derek nodded, “I respect that, but I can’t just let you walk away again. I’ve lost you too many times, this last time was the hardest. We had gotten close again. They kept telling me you’d come back, that it was some phase. I knew better, I could feel that it wasn’t some phase. I lost you for good. I know you know what this is. You can feel it to. And you may be able to put it behind you and ignore it, but I can’t. The last twenty-four hours have been great, and yeah Peter went about it completely wrong, but I won’t watch you walk away and act like you don’t feel what I feel. I can’t.”

Stiles watched Derek’s mouth, he wanted to reassure the worried werewolf in front of him that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Derek.”

“Laura had to practically drag me to New York. I didn’t want to leave you. You lost your mom and I lost most my family, the last thing I wanted was to leave you behind. She didn’t completely understand and I couldn’t find a way to explain it to her, I needed you. And I needed to be there for you. She didn’t want to leave you either, not really. You were the only kid that she ever warmed up too, you were family and she was worried about you. What choice did we have though? You had your dad and the McCall’s; you didn’t even remember us. She said you were better off without us. I lost control and wolfed out, I nearly killed her. The only thing that stopped me were memories of you as this little shit never leaving Laura alone. It was a mystery, you were so attached to her.” He smiled and his eyes twinkled at the memory. “We ended up laughing our asses off and when I started crying like a baby, Laura held me silently crying with me.” He finished weakly.

Tears threatened Stiles’ eyes. “I can’t do this,” he said more to himself than to Derek. “Derek, we’re not going to happen. It can’t happen. I’m sorry. Please, can you leave?”

“I can Stiles. I’ll give you your space, but don’t think for one minute that this is me giving up. Because I’m not, I have faith in the two of us. I’ll be right here waiting for you.” He smiled. “Let me help you to the couch first.”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to do that.”

“I do have to, because I’ll be the person you come to when you realize you can’t do this alone. You need to know that I’ll always be here, even when you think you don’t need me.” Derek gently pulled Stiles to his feet. “I’ll never let you hurt.” He helped Stiles to the couch and placed a pillow under his injured ankle. Derek kissed his forehead and covered him with a blanket. “Get some rest.”

Stiles inhaled deeply and nodded. “Okay.”

Derek smiled and shut the door quietly behind him.

****000** **

“Peter’s here. With Stiles,” Isaac stated.

“No. Peter still has his jeep, Stiles isn’t with him. Just a transference thing,” Jackson explained.

“Isaac is right, Stiles is with him.” Derek said somberly.

“What’s wrong?” Jackson and Isaac asked him simultaneously.

“Nothing’s wrong. Bad reaction to a bad dream, Peter’s just overreacting.” Stiles answered before Derek could.

“Now tell me what you’re leaving out.”

“It’s none of your business Derek,” Stiles replied bitterly.

“Dammit Stiles!” Derek growled.

“Yes, growl at him. That’ll get him to open up,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Peter shut up.” Jackson barked.

“Stiles! What. Was. Your dream. About?” Derek asked through gritted teeth, ignoring everything else.

“Derek,” Derek rubbed his thumb against Stiles' cheek. Stiles, as well as the others were caught off guard by show of gentle affection.

“I knew the family didn’t I?” Stiles’ voice was heavy and rough. Like he was trying not to choke on his words. "Peter was actually telling the truth."

“Yeah. I didn’t lie to you,” Derek told him softly. “I wouldn’t.”

“I know it’s pointless to ask to go home. I’m going to go back to bed,” Stiles swallowed, tears filling his eyes all too quickly. “I’m hijacking your bed Derek.”

Everybody watched him, the sound of crutches growing softer.

“What the hell was that all about?” Erica chided.

“Don’t look at me like that Isaac, I have no clue. Christ,” Scott huffed.

“No, of course you don’t. He’s only your best friend. Only important when you need something,” Derek all but hissed.

“Jeez Derek,” Scott started.

“No Scott. You haven’t even tried. Jackson’s been around him more than you have. He can’t stand Stiles. What’s your excuse?” Derek stated with searing eyes..

“It’s easier for him, Stiles hangs around Danny now. Jackson can just insert himself into the mix,” Scott explained. “Stiles can’t push him away the way he has been with everyone else, Jackson is Danny’s best friend after all.”

“And Stiles is supposed to yours. Quit being an asshole Scott, he’s saved your life more than once and it’s not like you deserved it. Have you ever told him thank you? You owe him, the least you can do is stick around even though he says he doesn’t want you too. It won’t be easy, do it anyways. Be a good friend,” Derek lectured, his anger coming forward. Trying to take control.

“You can’t order me around, I’m not really pack. So, screw you Derek.” Scott glared.

“Dude,” Isaac uttered in shock.

“Whatever, it’s going to come back to bite you though. What will you do then? Stiles won’t be around to save you,” Derek shook his head.

“Maybe I don’t care,” Scott muttered nastily.

“Get out asshole. Leave, pack takes care of pack and it you can’t accept it don’t bother coming back.” Jackson huffed angrily before Derek had the chance to.

“He has you, he came to you. He puts up with Jackson, Stiles has accepted his presence. They’re friends basically,” Scott whispered sadly.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you. I all but kidnapped Stiles, that’s why he’s here. And Jackson hasn’t given him a choice, Stiles has accepted him because he has to. Just what he should be doing with you,” Peter explained.

Scott shrugged.

“You do what you’re going to do. I’m going to go comfort your best friend,” Derek said calmly, disappointment marring his face.

He walked away, suppressing the urge to pummel Scott.

**000**

Stiles was sitting on the edge of Derek’s bed, head in both of his shaking hands. A strangled sob escaped his mouth, he couldn’t catch his breath. Terrible images and thoughts took over his brain, rattling him harder.

The scene unfolding in his room was sending Derek into overdrive. He paused in the doorway for a moment, taking in the beautiful boy breaking down.

“Stiles,” Derek’s voice cracked.

The boy looked up at him, eyes red and cheeks stained with heavy tears. “Yeah?” He squeaked.

He sat down beside Stiles, pulling him close. “What’s wrong?”

Stiles shook his head, “I’m sorry Derek.”

“Whatever it is, it’s fine. I promise; just tell me please,” Derek pleaded with him.

Stiles swallowed, struggling with words. “How do you not hate me? It’s true isn’t it?”

“Stiles, please,” Derek started.

“She died in the fire, my mom,” he whispered roughly.

Those words hit Derek like a ton of bricks, his stomach dropped and he felt sick.

“Yes. She was in the house, the fire killed her,” Derek said gravely.

Tears spilled from his eyes and he denied it adamantly. His skin turn red with splotches and tears came quicker.

“No. No, she died from cancer. God, she died from cancer. No. No. No,” Stiles’ voice broke and he continued shaking his head.

Derek held on to him, not letting Stiles push him away. “Your mom did have cancer, but she beat it. She overcame it during the early stages. She didn’t die from it.”

Stiles looked at Derek, a fierce sadness claiming him. “No. No! I remember it! I was there, dammit. SHE DIED FROM CANCER! Cancer.”

“No, she didn’t Stiles. She died in the fire,” Derek’s own cheeks were wet with tears.

“You’re wrong. I remember it, I remember it Derek. I sat with her as she died.” He pushed against Derek. He wanted the tears to stop, but they didn’t and it made them fall even harder. “She died from cancer, I held her hand.”

Derek didn’t say anything. He let Stiles cry. With each sob that came from the boy he was holding, his heart broke. He gently stroked Stiles’ back.

“Ju- Just, I I’m so sorry. Sor- Sorry,” he stuttered through his tears.

“It’s going to be okay; everything’s alright. I swear,” Derek tried to reassure Stiles, voice cracking again.

“I was hoping that the dream was just a dream, it’s not and now I’m not sure that you can’t hate me. I know I don’t like me right now.” Heavy tears fell rapidly from his tired eyes, he couldn’t wipe them away fast enough.

“I don’t hate you. You’ll never have to worry about that.”

“Maybe they’d be alive if I hadn’t been a little bastard about going with you and Laura. I wanted It all to be a lie, but it’s not. God, it’s all true. She’s dead and it’s my fault, no wonder my dad could barely look at me. I killed the love of his life,” Stiles buried his face in Derek’s chest, unsuccessfully holding back tears. “Oh my God, I got my mom killed.”

Stiles moaned painfully, his voice becoming horse. He held on tightly to Derek, as throaty gasps kept passing his lips.

“Jesus. Is that what you think Stiles? It’s not your fault. If anything, I was the werewolf dating the hunter. It is not your fault,” Derek told him softly while stroking his hair. “You were ten; nobody blames you. It’s not your fault.”

Derek found himself repeating those four words like a mantra. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” He rocked Stiles gently while continuing to stroke his hair. Soothing the erratic boy in his arms, he realized that it’s the most content he had been in years.

Not long after his confession, Stiles cried himself to sleep. His breathing lightened, as did his hard grip on Derek’s shirt.

Derek laid Stiles down, put a pillow under his ankle, and covered him up. He looked at him for a moment, knowing this night could only change everything for them. Derek shut the door behind him, heading towards the others. Damage control would be needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later than I enticipated.. 
> 
> Mama Stilinski and the Hale fire will be further explained soon.
> 
> And if anybody is wondering, the story title came from the song Angel with a Shotgun by The Cab. Great band. Practically in love with the lead singer.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes. It's unbeta'd and my Word doesn't work so I've using google drive. It's not as good.
> 
> I have tumblr if you guys are interested. It's lipstilinski.tumblr.com 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pack learns about Tyler.

Nobody but his dad knew the truth. And Melissa McCall, _but she didn’t really know the truth_. Stiles had gotten bit by a moon cursed werewolf. Not a turning bite, a submittance bite. Which was worse.

A submittance bite is a bite that only a moon cursed werewolf could give and they were becoming an epidemic of sorts in the werewolf community. It keeps the victim human, but makes it nearly impossible to refuse a command. Just like any wolf and their alpha. After a couple hours of research Stiles learned he could be vulnerable not only to Tyler, but other alpha's as well because of Tyler’s absence. Derek wasn't really a problem, he hasn't commanded anything of Stiles. Excluding that time Derek forced Stiles into almost sawing his arm off; that was the exception though. But he didn't want to take that chance. After all, Tyler turned on him once.

It had actually happened the week before Scott had been bitten.

It had been a crazy few of months, but for Stiles, this last one had by far been the worst. Tyler was in town and it used to be a good thing, he made Stiles happy. Stiles made Tyler happy. Tyler was Stiles' best friend. Scott was amazing, but there was this connection with Tyler that he hadn't had with Scott. In the last year they found themselves fooling around, a lot, but Tyler had become possessive about it. Stiles didn't like it. They weren't boyfriends, hell, they weren't even having sex. And as far as Stiles had known, neither one of them wanted more or had any romantic feelings. He had changed and Stiles hated it, and it was beginning to frighten him.

It had all started when Sheriff John Stilinski sent his son Stiles to Mystic Falls the month prior. Stiles couldn't keep his nose out of investigations and John had no further choice, he sent him to Tyler Lockwood.

A week later Stiles showed up in early morning. He looked saddened and angry, and just plain exhausted. The Sheriff didn't put much thought into it, he remembered how the reveal went for his second cousin Ben. Stiles told him that he and Tyler were no longer speaking, and John left it at that.

Things would cool off and Tyler would come around, just as he did. He could see it was strong in them, Stiles was already protective. Stiles came from a long line of brave guardians. Stilinski was one of the few lineages to survive the hunters. John was worried for his son, but there was nothing he could do. Stiles was connected to a Lockwood, a family he was familiar with.

John accepted that Stiles had the guardian gene, pleased even that the connection was with a Lockwood. They were civilized and trustworthy. Most cursed wolves weren't. John Stilinski could breathe easy. The boys were close, Tyler wouldn't let harm come to his son. John knew nothing of guardians and supernatural beings, that if things went wrong, Tyler could hurt Stiles as badly as any other creature out there. That was where John Stilinski's mistake laid. As long as he lived, John knew he'd never forgive himself for being so cluelessly uneducated.

Tyler showed up with fake smiles and fake patience that Papa Stilinski didn't think twice about. Busy with work, the Sheriff didn't get the chance to see Stiles and Tyler really interact with one another. John didn't see his son's hidden fear until he found Stiles naked, sobbing, and clutching the bleeding wound on his shoulder. He hadn't noticed Tyler trying to stop the turn. Even if John would've, he didn't know that that was dangerous. Sheriff Stilinski didn't know the warning signs and that was his downfall.

**000**

Stiles hadn't spoken to him since it happened, but the look on Tyler’s face moments after biting and stripping Stiles of his clothes was one of pure resentment and surprise. He stuttered a shocked apology and ran off.

Stiles shot up in a cold sweat having dreamt of the night Tyler bit him and how close it had been to being more than just a bite. It wasn't going to be a good day. He was having trouble breathing. Tears shone in his brilliant brown eyes and his heart was racing. Derek was beside him barely a minute after his waking, the worry evident on his face and Stiles was clearly sick of being weak.

"Stiles." Derek didn't know what to say, he still wasn't used to such open vulnerability.

Stiles shook his head and took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Was just a nightmare, 'm fine Derek." He ran his trembling hands through his hair, something that had become a habit in the past couple of months, and failed miserably at calming his nerves.

"You don't have to lie to me. It's not fine and that's okay, let me be there for you," Derek urged softly. Derek sat down on his bed gently, focused solely on Stiles.

"It's nothing. I'm good, really. I haven't had that particular one in a while. It's kind of brutal and I wasn't expecting it. I'm good now. Just needed a minute to recover," Stiles explained, staring vacantly at a spot on the bed.

"Okay. You can talk to me about anything, you know that right? You can, anytime," Derek told him affectionately.

"Not anything, some things will hurt you." Stiles ashamedly explained. He looked at Derek who was looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. Keeping eye contact seemed impossible; Stiles' breath hitched. "Derek," he whispered.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he hated it. Derek wasn’t supposed to be so soft and caring with him. Stiles didn’t like feeling weak and defenseless, he wasn’t anymore, but Derek brought out the qualities in him that made Stiles want to curl into Derek and forget everything around him. Including his new found hunter skills.

"What Stiles?" Derek asked in a rough whisper. "Tell me," he commanded with a soft growl that vibrated through the younger boy.

The urge to listen to Derek was heavy and hard to resist. Stiles closed his eyes and swallowed. It wasn't just Tyler's bite making him want to listen, the mate bond was screaming at Stiles to give in and give Derek exactly what he asked for.

Derek had moved closer to him and was now nuzzling his jaw. The wolf breathed in deeply. "Tell me what you want."

"I." Derek licked Stiles' jaw, just a flick of his tongue. "Oh my God. Derek, I need," Stiles stuttered breathlessly.

They were interrupted. Isaac followed by Scott, Jackson and then Peter showed up shortly after.

The pair quickly pulled apart. Not that it really mattered, the other three would be able to smell the arousal rolling off of them.

**000**

Everybody was still on edge from the night before. The others were worried about Stiles and hated being so clueless about everything.

The previous night, Derek, with the help of Peter, had explained to everyone why Stiles had freaked out. The pair told them about Stiles' mother and how she had known Peter and the other Hales. It was all pretty bare minimum. They left out the more personal details, not wanting Stiles to feel embarrassed.

The others, Isaac and Jackson, were surprised at Scott's outburst. Peter was not.

“Derek, really Stiles? I’m sure Tyler is so proud,” Scott scoffed in a disgusted manner.

Jackson stared, wide-eyed, at Scott, trying to convey the need to shut up to Scott.

Derek was about to say something, tell Scott to piss off or ask who the hell Tyler is, he wasn’t really sure which. Stiles got to it first.

“Shut up. Don’t act like you know anything Scott. Just shut the hell up,” Stiles yelled angrily, he had reacted fast. Stiles was heated. He didn’t want that subject to be public knowledge.

“Ooh, Derek doesn’t know about your boyfriend,” Scott questioned smugly.

“Tyler is not and was never my boyfriend. How many times did we go through this?” Stiles pressed, trying to urge Scott to stop without having to say the words.

“My mistake. Since it was obvious you were on your knees so much for him, I assumed you were dating. Sorry,” Scott smiled darkly, glancing at Derek.

Derek stood seemingly emotionless, staring at the back of Stiles. Just under the surface though, he was raging. He knew he had no right, it was hypocritical. Derek had all but fallen in love with Kate, something he was very far from proud of.  That didn’t stop him from being angry, a part of him, a more animalistic part, wanted to put Stiles in his place. Derek wanted to show Stiles just who he belonged to, who he should be on his knees for. Derek had never been more thankful for great control.

Stiles looked at Derek, mouth parted and eyes wide. He could feel what Derek wanted. His adam’s apple bobbed and he looked back at Scott. “Jesus Christ Scott. Really?” He yelled.

Derek stepped forward, placing his hand on Stiles’ shoulder. Stiles looked at him, instantly trying to shrug Derek away. It didn’t work. Stiles looked away, choosing to ignore Derek. Taking in his surrounding, he realized that Peter was talking Jackson out of interfering, thank God, and Isaac was making sure that Scott kept his cool.

“I never got it, you know Stiles. What could you’ve possibly seen in him? Tyler was an asshole. He was creepy and friends with Jackson. A grade A douchebag. He demanded all of your time when he was around. But you, you, never listened, never heard me out. He hated me and didn’t want you around me. Face it, he was an asshole and you didn’t care,” Scott went on angrily, a sad tone to his voice that Stiles didn’t pick up on.

What Scott said wasn’t completely true. Stiles had hated the way Tyler was with Scott and how he forced Stiles away from him, Scott just never saw it. And even before things had gotten bad with him, Stiles got after Tyler for the way he spoke about and to Scott.

Stiles was looking at his feet, Derek’s hand heavy on his shoulder. He was ashamed and pissed off and even a little sad. The pressure changed and he knew that Derek knew something was up, he could feel Stiles mood changing.

“You’re right Scott,” Stiles whispered. The whisper was inaudible to human ears. The wolves sensitive hearing picked up the silent words that Stiles, himself, could barely even hear.

Derek’s claws had broken Stiles’ skin just for a moment; he knew what Stiles meant. He was unsure exactly when he became so attuned to Stiles. Derek’s eyes were wide and a deep red, he had paled considerably. Peter and Isaac were focused on him curiously, while Scott and Jackson stared at Stiles.

Scott wasn’t expecting that. “What?” He asked, his voice tight, sadness starting to take over.

“You heard me,” Stiles was annoyed and angry and his bad mood was only getting worse. “You were right. Tyler was an asshole. A possessive, arrogant, douche, who didn’t like not getting what he wanted. _You. Were. Right._ Are you happy?”

Scott shifted from one foot to the other, looking from Stiles to Derek, who was still watching Stiles, back to Stiles again. “What do you mean?” Scott asked desperately, his voice cracking.

“Stiles,” Derek said quietly. Stiles seemed angry, even to enhanced werewolf senses, but Derek knew better. Well everyone knew better, but Derek could feel Stiles’ floodgates rattle.

Stiles ignored him. And so did Scott.

Stiles breathed in slowly. “Those three days last year when I was sick and fell down the stairs, after Mystic Falls didn't work out,” Scott nodded, “It was a lie,” he explained quietly.

“What? you came back with a broken wrist, bruises, and a nurse’s note. It was a lie?” Scott was confused.

Stiles nodded. “Yeah. I wasn’t sick and I didn’t fall. The note was from your mom and I had hand shaped bruises and scratches littering my body, it was a lame lie that nobody questioned. _Not even you._ In reality, Tyler had beaten the hell out me and then some. You were fucking right all along and it was too late by the time I realized that,” his voice cracked as the anger faded and more sadness filled him.

“Stiles,” Scott had started, sounding shattered and so utterly remorseful, before he was interrupted.

“You don’t want to do this now,” Jackson suggested, almost shyly.

Stiles looked at Jackson, his lips tightly shut and his eyes filling with tears. He found himself scared and wanting to escape, no longer wanting to talk about Tyler and what had happened. Derek opened his arms as Stiles rushed into him, crutches crashing to the floor, and buried his face into Derek’s neck. Stiles ran his nose along the part of Derek where neck and shoulder meet. It was calming Derek down, it was calming Stiles down. Stiles was scent marking him, and unknowingly or not, it meant that Stiles was starting to accept the whole mates thing.

“Answer me Stiles,” Scott practically begged.

“Stop, he’s done answering your questions Scott. Leave it alone,” Derek told him with his alpha voice.

Stiles took a breath; deep inhale, short exhale. Stiles took another breath. “I need some air,” he looked at Jackson as he stepped out of Derek comfortable arms.

“Okay,” Derek replied lightly as Isaac handed Stiles his forgotten crutches.

“Thanks,” Stiles stated appreciatively to Isaac.

**000**

It took Stiles a couple of minutes to sit down on building’s outside stairwell. Just as he did, the door was opening. He knew who it was.

“I’d ask you when you knew, but going off of when you started hanging around, it’s already pretty obvious. You know all of it,” Stiles scoffed, not bothering to turn and look at Jackson.

“Yeah. He’s still pretty torn up about it Stiles. He- He misses you actually,” Stiles looked at Jackson, “Tyler never meant to hurt you. You got caught up in it, a victim of circumstances,” Jackson explained skeptically.

“I don’t want to hear it. What he did, it was unacceptable and horrifying. My dad found me, I was naked and bleeding and sobbing my way through a panic attack. He still can’t look at me right. I don’t care how Tyler feels,” Stiles yelled.

“I know, I just think you should know all of it,” he said carefully.

“No. Do you know what this means?” Stiles rubbed his shoulder. Under his hand laid his favorite shirt and beneath his shirt was a pale scarred bite that he still couldn’t bare to look at. “I don’t belong to myself anymore and it’s his fault. He did this to me,” Stiles sighed, sounding somewhere between angry and sad, looking so close to breaking down.

“He came here, Lydia freaked. She knew something had gone on before and she absolutely freaked when he showed up looking for you. But we can’t finish this here, and you need a break. A conversation for another time, I suppose. Come on,” Jackson goes on, smiling.

Stiles watched him, wondering. He was dying to know more, but Jackson was right, words he never associated with Jackson before, they couldn’t talk about it here. Listening werewolves were right inside and he really needed a break, the whole subject of Tyler was mentally and emotionally exhausting. Stiles was thankful Jackson was willing to drop it.

"Your dad wants you to get your ankle checked out. I said I'd take you," Jackson told him curtly, completely changing the subject.

"Okay," his eyebrows raised. "How does he know about my ankle?" Stiles asked, confusion marking his face.

"I told him, he called," Jackson clarified. "Get some rest, your appointment is in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry it's been so long. I got lazy and distracted, than busy, and than when I got back to it I got a case of writers block halfway through the chapter and completely rewrote what I orginally had. 
> 
> Before anyone tells or asks me about unexplained things, they will be explained in future chapters.
> 
> Any mistakes are my own, feel free to point them out. Especially missing words, I'm horrible and seeing them.
> 
> I'd love your feedback!


End file.
